The End of an Era, and the Start of a New One

19 08 2012

While this post is about a serious topic, it isn’t somber and there is no need for sadness or sympathy.  We are writing to share with you a couple of key and even exciting life updates:

  1. Yair and I have greatly enjoyed RVing over the past two years.  That said, we have missed some of the stability and community that is more easily attained through a stationary lifestyle.  We have both fallen in love with Austin and have decided to make the city our home during the coming year!
  2. When Yair and I move to Austin next week, we will be doing so separately.  The two of us have had a fantastic seven years together and have probably had more fun together than the vast majority of couples.  We love each other a lot, but we have different priorities and perspectives about what we want from our lives and so we will be bringing the marriage element of our relationship to a close tomorrow morning in New York with our families alongside us.
Celebrating at our wedding, five years ago today(!)

Celebrating at our wedding, five years ago today(!)

This decision was made just over two months ago in mid-June.  We know that many marriages and relationships tend to end with bitterness and hatred and we didn’t want that for ourselves.  So we decided to take this summer and our cross-country trip as a way to set the stage for future closeness and friendship.  Through what was at times hard work, we have been successful.

This is a big time of transition, but it’s also the start of a new chapter in our lives, one that we get to decide how to author. We care for each other, we will support each other and we will continue having fun as great friends and even family in Austin.

The logistics of our separating have been greatly simplified by our lifestyle. We don’t have a $5,000 living room set or a mortgage. We have been able to deal with financial and material issues fairly easily and plan on sharing some of our approach on the blog.

So! What’s happening with Arvie? Where are we going to live? Who gets the scooter?  What insights can we share into this transition and separation process? What’s behind door number three?

Stay tuned for those updates – they’ll come soon enough!

With love,
Yair and Ayo

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18 responses

20 08 2012
Matty

Speechless. Will miss your adventures!

20 08 2012
ayo

Matt, darling, I thought that Yair and I had written to you in early July about this. Sorry if you didn’t know about the decision – we kept it on the DL to focus on each other during the crucial transition time of the summer.

But this will not be an end to our adventures. We will continue adventuring and everything indicates that Yair and I will be staying the dearest of friends and family. So, adventures to come!

I look forward to seeing you this October. Love.

20 08 2012
Yair

The adventures will completely be continuing, both together and apart! Ayo is so lucky to be seeing you in a couple of months. You have one jealous Yair over here.

20 08 2012
Miriam Roche Fuks

So many thoughts, I can’t stop thinking about your decision. I can understand your choice and wish you both all the best.
At the same time I’m hoping that you’ll change your minds at last minute, consider other options. At the very least hoping that you’ve both made this choice with a true & full heart, total understanding & having considered all the other options.

Apart from that, I’ll take this opportunity to say something I wanted to say a while back. I’ve been following you’re blog for about 2 years now and have read many of the back issues. I’ve been really impressed with how much both of you have developed and matured. How you’ve learnt to care about so many important issues while simultaneously having so much fun. I often find myself thinking, what would Ayo&Yair do in this situation :)

All the best!

Miriam

20 08 2012
ayo

Miriam,

Thank you for reaching out. I had no idea that you’ve been following our journey for the past two years, but knowing that you connected with our adventures and our energy is both empowering and flattering.

Regarding the decision itself, it was a very difficult one and I think that more insight will be provided as Yair and I use the blog as a reflection space in the coming days and weeks.

What I will say is that Yair and I feel blessed to have found each other and each other’s families, but this truly may be an instance of Gam Zu LiTova (this too for the good) as Yair and I are each being given an incredible opportunity to remake ourselves and our lives at 26.

Thanks again for the love, and please know that we both send it to you in return.

x,
Ayo

20 08 2012
Steve

Nooooooooooo! Aaaaaarrgggghhhhh! Sorry, I have abandonment issues. I cannot accept this. I was living the happily married life that I never had vicariously through you two. Now it’s all over. Seriously, this is BS. It looks like you found yourselves but lost each other in the process. I am somewhat, but not totally speechless.

Bummed in Vegas.

20 08 2012
ayo

Steve, oh Steve.

I hear you. This all seems very sudden and change can be hard. Yair and I have had two months to adjust to this new reality and, here we are, dropping it on you overnight.

In the coming weeks, Yair and I will be taking you on a vicarious trip through reflections and updates that may provide greater insight into this decision. A sort of group therapy, ey? :-)

Know that this isn’t the end of “Ayo and Yair”. This isn’t the end of our travels and adventures. I have always been deeply grounded in who I am, so these travels have never been about finding myself. Yair would probably agree that, in his case, there is some truth to your statement about him finding himself but losing us in the process.

But so much has been learned through this experience and through our seven years together. We have learned, at least in this instance, to support growth and not to stifle it out of fear. Yair has learned to tap into his emotional self and become more reflective about who he is and what he wants. I have learned to practice humility in acknowledging that not everything is in my control, and that the hurdles that I face are minuscule in comparison to issues that others grapple with.

We may no longer be able to provide an active and continued example of the happily married life, but I believe that we will be able to provide inspiration to one another and to you through our unique approach to this separation and our future experiences, both together and apart.

Sending you love and light in Las Vegas,
Ayo

20 08 2012
Yair

Ay, you are fantastic at expressing thoughts that I am having.

20 08 2012
Cherie @Technomadia

Sending you both much love and light through this bittersweet moment, and for the futures you both will be building for yourselves. I have full confidence you both will ROCK it.

We love and adore you both, and are so very honored to have you as part of our lives.

20 08 2012
ayo

Cherie,

You were in that room with us today. Yair and I each prepared a short piece to read aloud to each other, and my reflection included bits of wisdom that you had shared with me during our time together in Austin.

It’s been a long day, so I’m going to reflect a bit (perhaps in a new post) and turn in, but thank you for the love. We send it back to you, to Chris and to your family a thousand fold.

20 08 2012
Carol Kerr

I am thrilled to hear you are moving to Austin, a city that I will always love and feel fortunate to have called home for many years. I’m saddened to hear you will be ending the married phase of your relationship and am impressed with the maturity and love with which you are going forward. I have never understood how 2 people who love each other enough to marry can possibly end that part of their relationship in such hatred. Thank you for confirming my suspicion that it is possible to end a relationship with the same love which it is started.

21 08 2012
Yair

Thank you for your thoughtful comment. I feel so blessed that Ayo and I are – and will continue to be – able to maintain a very close friendship. We are both excited to spend some time living in Austin. Is is a town that we fell in love with this spring and it will be a great experiment to live there for a bit longer.

21 08 2012
You and Me Baby Aint Nothin But Mammals...

You so sexxxy

21 08 2012
Brenda A.

Well……this has been a most interesting turn of events for sure. While we’re very surprised in one way, not so much in another. I think it’s not terribly uncommon for young couples to come to the realization that who they were (or at least thought they were) has changed to the point that they no longer want the same things they once thought they did. So, not so unusual. But….to work so fervently to keep the sweetness and the love alive while separating is rather unusual and to be commended!

Honestly…..you are doing the right thing. I spent 22 long years in a doomed marriage. We raised three wonderful kids and had good times throughout the years. But overall, the respect was just not there and it was very damaging to remain in that atmosphere for so long, getting worse the longer things dragged on. Mucho therapy was required to pull myself out of that place.

Wishing you BOTH all the best in moving forward into whatever it is that brings you the most joy, the most growth, the most satisfaction and the most love! Still hope to stumble across your path(s) again in the future. :)

21 08 2012
Yair

It has been incredibly difficult to act on the realization that Ayo and I are not best suited for each other in a marriage, but that act does not lessen the care and love that we feel for each other. Thank you so much for your thoughts and warm wishes – I am sure that we’ll stumble across each other again!

19 09 2012
Brent

While we’re sad to read that you guys have changed the nature of your relationship we’re happy and amazed that you have managed to do so in such a positive fashion. Keep it up!

20 09 2012
ayo

Thanks! Where you guys at these days? Any plans for Austin TX?

20 09 2012
Brent

Maine right now, sticking in the NE until the weather drives us out. Then south Florida for the winter. Austin is definitely possible in the spring

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