The “Why” of the Split – A Change of Plans

23 08 2012

Our posts from earlier this week were met with an outpouring of love, support and a tad of criticism as well.    After some reflecting, we have decided not to delve into the genesis of our separation for three reasons:

1)  Privacy and Focus – I think it important to maintain a certain element of privacy, but moreover to keep the focus of relationship-related blog posts on lessons learned and how Yair and I created the positive dynamic that we have now.

2)  Response Control – Because this topic is so fresh and hits close to home and because this is a public blog, I think it unwise to actively invite commentary about the “why” of the split from individuals who might knowingly or unknowingly say hurtful things.

3)  Unity Over Division – I feel most strongly about this reason.  Unity and compassion are guiding forces in my life.  Yair and I realize that – by providing insight into the decision (who initiated? how was it decided? was it mutual? etc.) – we might unwittingly create “Team Yair” and “Team Ayo”, needlessly dividing people and losing friends in the process.

Yair and His Secret Wives

Yair and His Secret Wives

For those of you disappointed about the lack of “juice” in this post, here are three of my favorite concocted “why we split” stories:

1)  The Hillbilly Answer:  Yair and I were gearing up to start a family, and decided to do some genetic testing first to be aware of our risk factors.  Little did we know the tests would show that we were… half-siblings!  Awkward.

2)  The Oldtimer Answer:  Yair and I were hanging out with a family member last week and explaining the reasons behind the split.  After thinking for a while and trying to come up with a conceivable answer, the relative asked: “Yair, you’re not gay, are you?”  [Answer: He's not.]

3)  The Days of Our Lives Answer:  After finding some anime on Yair’s computer, Ayo discovered that Yair has had a secret family for years.  Ayo just couldn’t cope with his four Japanese wives and sixteen children.  Alas.

Which answer is the best?  Alternate (goofy) answers welcomed!

PS – Keep an eye out for the next couple of posts, which will keep things light and fun amidst the relationship insights.

posted by ayo

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7 responses

23 08 2012
Brenda A.

It’s honestly no one else’s business. When I went through my divorce I kept the reasons mostly to myself because it was complicated and people seem to want simple answers. My mom in particular about went insane trying to pin me down. But even if I had explained it she would never have been able to comprehend it. It was too far out of her scope of understanding.

And people all think they can somehow fix things for you. They can’t .Fixing always comes from within.

I’m glad you aren’t going into details. Because just like you said, it could possibly affect my feelings towards one or both of you (anyone who thinks otherwise is kidding themselves). I have no need to know the inner workings of your relationship or anyone else’s for that matter. Not. My. Business! :)

23 08 2012
libertatemamo

Just want to wish you guys the best of travels in your new lives. Life is a winding road with many forks..you can’t always predict which one you’ll take but every path reveals it’s own richness. Hope, love and best wishes to you both…hope we get to meet again on the road!
Nina

23 08 2012
Tammy Dotson

Wishing you both well, no one needs to know the details, that’s private. But, I’m sure you can come up with a plot that could enthrall and entertain if someone needs more. You could always start out with – I always wanted to be a part of a circus and …….

Just be good to yourselves and follow the path you are led.

23 08 2012
Jeff

I just found your blog about a month ago and spent a good amount of time reading it. It is great! As far as the recent news, Im sad but its your life and you handled it with more class than I have ever seen. You two are both wonderful people.

Jeff

24 08 2012
Steve

I found and started following your blog many months ago when I first started considering retiring from my job. I went through life in the traditional way-College, job, marriage, children, blah, blah, yada. I did 25 years in a government job with a great pension. I actually felt guilty even thinking about retiring. Your blog and another “To Simplify” helped me realize there was more to life than the 9 to 5. Now I am retired at the age of 51 and enjoying my freedom guilt free. Thanks.

I really loved the way you two went in reverse from the conventional wisdom I followed. You resolved to experience freedom in your youth with an eye on the future. I truly feel like I know you both personally from your fantastic blog. It is very well done and the pictures and movie clips added to the experience greatly.

I saw a storm brewing within the last couple of posts. I think it is good to keep the reason for your “get” to yourselves. Having been married (also 7 years) and having gone through the whole big D thing, I know from experience that division will result. You are both wise to limit it. 7 year itch- could it be true?

If there is a good side here, it is that there are no little ones. Such a scenario can complicate things greatly. Yair’s paternity may come into question sometime in the future with all those concubines though. I did not know he was an active member of the Scissor Gang Mafia. Apparently his bei-otchiz are too! As they say, once you go Asian, you’ll never go caucasian.

This is serious stuff. You both deserve your privacy. I know you pride yourselves in unique individualism. Know there will be hard times ahead. You have been joined at the hip for a very long time. You made commitments to each other and went on an amazing journey together. You made life altering decisions, experienced closeness that life in a hundred square feet can provide, and robbed each others underpants in the spirit of love and playfulness for all these years. This has undoubtedly created a bond that a piece of paper cannot dissolve. Feelings may spring forth now and then that your level headed logic will not be able to contain. Know this and resolve those issues maturely.

Good luck in your futures.

Sayonara

Steve from Vegas

24 08 2012
Steve

Would you kindly remove my last name from the previous post. Yikes! So much for anonymity..

24 08 2012
Don

The both of you have decided this will work for, this is great…The best of luck life as we know can end anytime – enjoy life

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