There are many things that I think are cool but wouldn’t choose for myself. However, I have recently begun to wonder if this is because the thing in question genuinely doesn’t interest me, or because other people have given me repeated negative feedback and I have therefore internalized that the thing in question is not a good choice for me. (While I am a free spirit and make my own decisions, I greatly value the thoughts of my parents, Jay and others close to me.)
For example, during college and as recently as last year, I became interested in piercing my nose. I thought it was a cool look that jived with what I wanted to do. But Jay didn’t love the idea and, almost needless to say, my parents were not fans. I began listening to the logical arguments that were made: how unpleasant a pierced nose would be with a cold come winter, how if you don’t like it later in life, you are stuck with a hole in your nose, how unprofessional it would seem in the job market and so forth. Now I am still a little tempted, but relegate it to the “that’s cool, but not for me” category.
Similarly, I always thought it would be the greatest to perform on Broadway. I’m not a star singer, but I can certainly act, dance and hold a tune. My parents encouraged my passions and are so supportive, but we still nevertheless had a slew of practical conversations that led me away from that dream. (“The audition process is brutal.” “If you break your leg, your entire career would go down in one instant.” “How would it jive with Shabbat and religious practice?”) I’ve since dabbled in community theater and part of me still wants to perform, but I no longer feel the need to ‘make it’ on Broadway.
Has my perspective changed and matured, or have I just adopted others’ guidance – perhaps against my better judgment? Can anyone relate?
posted by amybetho