I’ve always been a happy person and pretty confident, too. Though I’ve engaged in my fair share of introspection and deep philosophical questioning, I prefer to keep things light and therefore never experienced much of that angsty high school or college phase.
My parents raised us (my two sisters and I) to believe that we were very special and my dad took turns telling each of us that we were his absolute favorite child. I bought into this message early on and from a young age was convinced that I was a prophetess. Seriously. Like the having conversations with God, saving entire peoples type of prophetess. Granted, I was six years old but I would go into the backyard with a special bracelet that I created with my Hebrew name on it (Batya, daughter of God). I reached the wrist with the bracelet up toward the sky and waited for some sort of calling, kind of like the rings that each of the planeteers would use to summon Captain Planet. I still have the bracelet to this day.
As I entered elementary school, I began to accept that maybe I wasn’t a prophetess, but I knew that I had some sort of superpower. I would be able to move things by looking at them and even melt myself into a puddle like in The Secret World of Alex Mack. Or I would have such kavana (concentration/devotion) in synagogue that I would be able to levitate to the front of the room and be recognized as a super-spiritual being who would take everyone’s prayers directly to shamayim.
My sense of self became more realistic in high school. I no longer thought as much about superpowers, but I did daydream about rescuing people (usually teachers or other community leaders) who needed medical help that only I was able to provide. Surely this would prove my sense of greatness and I studied first aid, CPR and the Heimlich maneuver to make sure that I was totally prepared when the time came for me to take action.
Years have passed, and perhaps I have regressed to that second phase because I know that I have a superpower: I see rainbows. For the past three months, my eyes have acquired some kind of super-acuity and I am able to see a brilliant, glowing and dare-I-say inspiring color spectrum surrounding most bright white lights. No one else is able to see these colors. (Yair can occasionally see the very bright ones, but to him they look dim.) While it sounds certifiably crazy, the colors are not a figment of imagination or hallucination. They are likely the product of an over-dilated eye that is able to take in more of the color spectrum than the eye is traditionally designed for.
Let me tell you – the world that I am experiencing is so much more beautiful than the one that I came from. A car’s headlight approaches and greets me with rainbows. A streetlamp glows in the distance and – reaching out to embrace me – are its colorful circles. This ability, to see the world just a bit closer to how it really is, is a blessing.
I am not the most traditional in my views of and adherence to religion. However, I have often heard people say that faith in God and other religious ideas is like believing in the wind. You can feel it but you can’t see it and often you can’t even hear it. The rainbows of the color spectrum are my wind. They are very real and grounded in physical reality, but human eyes are generally not designed to be able to see them and process them. What else is there in our world that we are unable to even fathom, that our bodies cannot even process?
Over the past few weeks, the rainbows have become fainter and fainter until I now can barely register them even when I try to. I am not concerned that anything is awry and I have informally spoken with two doctors who confirm my feelings, but I have set up an appointment with an ophthalmologist in Los Angeles in early December just to be cautious.
Nevertheless, whether this superpower is my first or my last, a fluke or a symptom, I feel blessed to have been gifted the past three months of seeing the world as it truly is – stunning, wondrous and beautiful.
*Yes, this post is “out there” and even a bit silly. I try my best not to censor my life for the blog to the extent possible. If you think I’m crazy, well, there’s always Yair’s posts on science and skepticism to please you.
posted by ayo