“Hey Yair, I Need To Take A Sh*t”

1 12 2011

The Scene

We’re over 100 feet up on the side of a cliff. It’s freezing cold out, but we’re both glad to be out on the rock. I’m leading the climb and my brother Yoni is belaying (protecting) my climb.

The Plot

I’m at a mildly tricky part of the climb, which is exacerbated by my long having lost feeling in my hands. I’m about 50′ to the right and 10′ up from Yoni.

“Hey, Yair?”

“Yeah?”

“Umm… I think I need to take a shit.”

“Are you serious?”

“Yeah.”

I tell Yoni that I have toilet paper at the bottom, but it doesn’t take a genius to realize that TP down there is pretty useless up where we are. Yoni looks at the small ledge that we’re on, sees some leaves, and tells me that he’ll figure it out. He’s the one who is protecting me on the climb and I assume that he’ll need his hands, so I build an anchor and attach myself to the rock.

Me, Near The "Shit Point"

Me, Near The "Shit Point"

I tell Yoni that leaves make shitty (ha…) toilet paper, and then turn to enjoy the view of the valley while I consider how my brother is going to figure this one out. A few minutes later:

“I’m done and you’re back on belay.”

“Check your knot, locking carabiner, carabiner orientation, rope position [etc.]”

“Everything looks good. You’re on belay.”

I turn around and break down my anchor. As expected, I don’t see shit anywhere (he’s 100’+ up on a small ledge), but I notice something different.

“Hey, where’s your hat?”

[Laughing] “That was the most expensive toilet paper that I’ve ever used.”

Oh, man. Kids these days.

posted by yair

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3 responses

1 12 2011
Weston

Now that’s a great story.

1 12 2011
Frugal Vegan Mom

Hahaha Ewww will he wear the hat again?

2 12 2011
Diane

I’ve had a busy stretch and am behind on my blog reading. I hopped on today and started reading from the top down. My first thought upon seeing your caption was “Oh, no Ayo’s going to kill him for telling this story” because I didn’t realize you were referring to your brother! Good for an extra laugh when I finally sorted it out.
As to FVM’s comment, I’m pretty sure your bro did not hang on to the hat when he was finished repurposing it. Woe to the soul who discovers it!

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