Note: This post was written with the permission of Yair.
It’s hard to put into words just how much Yair has grown and developed over the past two years.
When Yair and I started dating seven years ago, he wouldn’t walk outside in a t-shirt lest someone from local politics see him. He was very involved in community affairs as a model citizen and served as the youngest member of the local NYC community board, so he wanted to give off the “right impression” by wearing collared button-down shirts.
When Yair and I got married five years ago, he couldn’t appreciate the way that music made me want to move and dance. He would be goofy with me, but not feel comfortable expressing this silly side of himself with friends or family.
Many of Yair’s social interactions were strictly cerebral and community was not something that he independently valued as important. Reflecting tended to happen on an analytical level and self-awareness wasn’t a big part of his vocabulary.
Over the past two years – and particularly over the past three months – Yair has come into his own. His cerebral, analytical and skeptical selves are still as present as ever, but they have been complemented by an open mind, a loving heart, a silly side, a reflective nature and a spirit of generosity.
Yair is volunteering, journaling, costuming, expressing himself creatively and just blossoming.
People say that – in order to have a healthy relationship – you should accept the person as they are and not try to change them. With the exception of trying to have Yair keep things neat around the RV (God help me), I’ve tried to follow that advice and be accepting and loving rather than demanding changes.
But when your love trends toward what you see as the “ideal” version of themselves of their own doing and volition? Cool stuff. Really cool stuff.
posted by ayo