This piece is a continuation of “Happenings, Hearts and The Future – Part 2“.
Part 3 – An Open Heart
Life is funny and good and strange. I have been blessed to have many beautiful souls come into my life over the past weeks and months and – with each interaction – I learn more about myself and about human psychology. Though I am still not quite ready for a relationship, I suppose that I am dating and I am grateful for the opportunity to cultivate deep friendships with those around me, whether romantic or platonic. Though I am firm in the decision that polyamory is not the lifestyle I will choose for myself, I have always espoused a hippie ideology that all meaningful relationships fall somewhere on the love and respect spectrum – just with varying intensities.
For a long time I felt that my Jewish cultural and religious framework was superior to that of the “secular world”. One example of this would be the approach to dating. In the religious world, you “date for marriage”. Why waste time dating someone if they may not be the right fit for you long-term? What if you fall in love with someone who is not “right” for your future? Such situations are created by those who are lax with themselves, overly passive or perhaps lack self-discipline. And those interactions can only lead to heartbreak. Or so I thought.
While I see the value in “dating for marriage” and there will come a time when my list of qualities and shared values will be a pre-req for any date-like encounter, it is utterly glorious to be present with friends, to engage with people as they are and to love and appreciate people for who they are – not comparing them to some list that a future partner should meet. Through significant yet relatively innocent encounters in the dating world, I am learning more about myself – how I act in different situations, how and who I could be, what qualities are important for a future partner and so forth.
Sometimes it’s daunting to project each encounter or situation beyond the present, as each friend or date presents a distinctly different future to choose from. However, as someone who overly plans and overly organizes everything, I have trained myself to be a witness to the tremendous beauty of the present, of carpe diem, of living and loving and no regrets. And when any person on this planet, when any person walking down the street, may be someone who you will love, who you will hold, who will listen to you and know you, the entire world becomes filled with a new kind of wonder and unity.
I must write the stories of these men and women in my life. Life itself is about relationships – the relationships we have with ourselves, our friends, our families, our lovers and our significant others. My honor and code of conduct require me to respect the privacy of these vibrantly present individuals, and so I may need to hold off on sharing stories in this forum in favor of recording the hilarities, joys and depths that these souls and these moments provide in a separate, private and perhaps hand-written journal. I will say that my life lately feels like a movie more than ever and I often laugh at my own self. I think this is good.
Continued in Happenings, Hearts and The Future – Part 4 of 4…
posted by ayo